Self Care for a "Normal" Guy
I asked my husband,
the hardest working guy I know, to give you his perspective on self care and the real struggle to make it a priority…
I’m a mostly “normal” guy
…with a flair for the dramatic, but still pretty normal. I have a beautiful wife, two cool kids, two ornery dogs and one haughty cat, a nice house with a mortgage, an eclectic group of friends, and a job that I tolerate most days but still give my best. But I often feel stuck. Stuck in my career, relationships, faith... not stagnant, not going backwards... but not moving forward either, and I believe a lot of people are in the same boat.
I have a creative side that I don’t make time to tap into very often and a slew of dreams that are more fun to dream about than actually put into motion. Why? Why put off chasing the things that make living so worthwhile? Well, for me, it all boils down to one thing:
Pressure to provide.
I get stuck in all of these areas because I get stuck in my own head. Now don’t get me wrong, I love being the provider. I revel in the role of giving to people and always being that constant in people’s lives, but I don’t enjoy the pressure. The pressure is what sucks all the fun out of what I already enjoy doing and stresses me out. Eventually, the role I enjoy so much turns into that pressure again, and I find myself thinking I, alone, am keeping everything together for everyone. I create that pressure MYSELF and it causes me to feel alone in my frustration, which adds to the cycle of not asking for help.
The funny thing is I have a degree in Psychology and a wife whose mission in life is to show people their worth and true potential. I know how important self care is for my health. I even know the tools to use to get there. I see my wife’s posts on Instagram. I read her words. I watch her daily as she lives what she teaches and helps countless people, but I struggle to make time to let those words and examples sink in and benefit me.
So what do I do?
I stop, get some perspective on how I’m feeling, and proceed with a little self care. Here are some ways I stop to bring moments of joy back into my day rather than choosing to believe the weight of the world rests on me alone.
Reading a good book (nonfiction for me, please) is a great way for me to decompress and get out of my own head and constant to-do list for a little while.
Exercising is one of those love/hate relationships, but man, I feel a thousand times better when I just commit and do some pushups. It is a great confidence booster and a fast way to blow off some steam if I’m frustrated.
Occasionally, when I’ve hit my limit, a manly bath with essential oils and epsom salt gives me alone time to decompress and soak the stress and tension away. Believe me, relaxing in a tub is one of the best ways to just slow everything down for a while. When your muscles relax, it’s a lot easier for your mind to follow.
Don’t believe the lie that your problems are yours to bear on your own.
Things will still get done, especially when you ask for help. And men, your shoulders, no matter how broad, weren’t meant to carry the weight of the world. Take some time for yourself. When I am at my best, I can be the best husband, father, friend, and leader I can be. That brings me joy and satisfaction in itself. All of that starts with making time for some self care.
Take care… literally,
-Cody
Add essential oils to the Epsom salts and stir well. Let sit for 10-15 minutes to make sure the oils are absorbed by the salts (keeps oils from floating on surface of water and evaporating too quickly). You can also put them in a jar or container with a lid and store overnight. When you’re ready to use, pour all of it straight into your bath water. Soak for at least 20 minutes.
Magnesium from the Epsom salts are great for relieving muscle tension and relaxing you. Most people are actually magnesium deficient, but baths are a great way to absorb it into your system. Vetiver, Balance, and Cedarwood are all grounding and help to relax muscles and push “pause” in your mind to slow down your busy thoughts. Bergamot is a well known scent in the perfume industry that will round out and brighten the heavy notes of the other oils, but it is also a great proven way to reduce cortisol, the stress hormone, in the body!